Fantasy Football Sucks: Why I’ll Never Stop Playing The Game That I Hate

The NFL regular season is finally over, which means I can finally stop tearing my own hair out every week at the fantastical under-performance of LeSean McCoy (my first round draft pick) who at one point had 9 points over a three week period. Sure, he had his games where he showed up, and I’m not going to sit here and bore you with the bad beats I’ve suffered all season long, but I went 3-11 in a year where I had been planning my draft strategy since April. Trust me, I’m all cried out over this goddamn lame-duck horseshit Fantasy season. My girlfriend never failed to tell me, “you know your team sucks this year, why do you still sound so mad?”

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The funny thing is, even with how terrible my season went, the thought of not playing next year never even occurred to me. In fact, I started planning next year’s draft strategy around week 6 of this year. And if that’s not crazy obsessive, I don’t know what is! The fantasy game is changing as we speak, that much is obvious. So do I go QB off the bat? Do I stock up on high-end receivers and wait to pick up RB’s on waivers during the first couple of weeks? What kind of value is Peyton Manning going to have next year? I mean, there’s no way he continues the production for another year (that’s what they said going into this season, though, so who knows).

Let’s face it, draft strategy is the most fun you’ll have all year (unless you actually claim the championship). You have your targets, yet someone always takes the player you want right before your turn, causing you to make snap decisions that could make or break your entire season while that two minute clock ticks lower and lower. It may not be the same as the pressure that comes in the draft room of a multi-million dollar franchise, but don’t tell me it doesn’t get that blood pumping!

And the sheer joy that comes with picking up a stud running back that no one else knew about on waivers after week 3 who goes on to carry your entire team on his back for the rest of the season is unparalleled. You put your bid in on Tuesday, praying to the Fantasy Gods that no one ahead of you did, then wake up Wednesday morning fingers crossed silently swearing off booze for the rest of the season if only CJ Anderson is now your starting RB.  And when he is, you’re riding around on a cloud the rest of the week, gloating to everyone in your league about just how bad you’re going to show them up this weekend.

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The point of this article isn’t to actually tell you what the best strategy for next year is, clearly you shouldn’t be listening to me in that regard anyway. The point is that I could go 0-14 in every league I play in, and that wouldn’t dissuade me in the slightest! You’ve all seen that commercial, the one with all of the Fantasy losers crying in their car, banging their head against the wall in the shower at the putrid fantasy team they’ve assembled that racks up loss after loss. That’s me, and that’s why the NFL’s Playoff Challenge appeals to so many of us. So I’ll be playing that and probably losing every week as well.

The great thing about the Playoff Challenge is that you haven’t really lost until the SuperBowl. And by then, if you’re not in the running for the win in whatever group you’ve created or just against the tens of thousands of players across the world participating, so be it. So we’ve created the WhatdoUwatch group using the password: watchersunite, where you can play against myself, David Kim the Heckler and all our loyal fans! Hope to see you on the digital gridiron!

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